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Uninternally Consistant.

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celrya

warm, lolita, happy, smile

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September 25th, 2011

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I have just done some cleaning. The living room floor had a lot of various craft supplies on it. I put them in bags and put them away, which has been what I've done for a while. It makes it hard to find specific things when I need them though. One day I will live in a house, and the house will have a room, and that room will exist for me to put stuff like that in, and to work in. Yes.

It'll be a pretty room too.

June 23rd, 2011

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I'm at home from work today. Yesterday was my brothers wedding, I took two days of leave from work because of the hangover I was expecting to have, haha. It was nice. There are things I love about my family, I loved how casual everything was and how cool it was to be so informal. His partner was looking at him so _adoringly_ and he looked awkward as he said his vows, but still happy.

Cav was really sick which was a shame. The wedding was on the mountain so if he left I'd have to go with him because there's no public transport and I can't drive - but my brother found a room for Cav to sleep in, and Cav rested in there. He'd wanted to go home but got that being there was important to me (I only see members of my family like my brother and my youngest sister like once a year and treasure the time I do get to spend with them, plus, my bros wedding is kind of an important event.)

My bro sought time to have private conversations with each of his siblings except our youngest sister (he sees her regularly because they live nearby, also, they don't get along...) - We did the ritual bitching about our mother. She wasn't invited to the wedding and apparently according to her and her sisters/friends this is symptomatic of my bro having schizophrenia. (He doesn't have schizophrenia or a history of it in his family (He's my step-brother) and he hasn't been diagnosed with any mental illness ever.) - Oh lol.

He also said he really liked Cav and was happy for me because my dude treats me awesomely. That made me feel pretty nice.

It was nice.

I worry about my youngest sister whenever I see her though and how she's going to turn out. She has been treated very differently by our parents (particularly our mother) then the rest of us and I don't understand her as a person very well at all actually, but, she's a worry. I might just be an over-protective sister though.

December 23rd, 2010

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Its 1:14am. I have to be at work at 9:00am. I can't sleep. I had a nap earlier in the evening. I took a leave without pay for three weeks which ended last week, so I'm back at work this week and then off again for another three weeks. - Which seems pretty ridiculous really, to come back for just a week and bugger off again, but the other weeks excluding the Christmas-New Years week are all unpaid and I gots bills and it sucks to have saved between 20 and 30 percent of each paycheck to see SO MUCH OF IT ALL GO AWAY AT ONCE. So, yes. A week of pay. Good. - I am taking the time off to study over the summer semester, though I dropped the last course before census date and took the remaining time as an unpaid holiday. (Feels like failure man.)

During this unpaid holiday I got back into the regular sleeping patterns that I've had all of my known life before this job, which is to say I that went to bed at 4:00am a lot.

So, this week sleeping correctly has been difficult, which has been exhausting me. I have my laptop set up next to my bed at home, if I am home and using a computer I am _probably_ in bed. So, lying in bed computering as is my habit where, due to the fact that I accidentally fell asleep where I was lying, I approximate my body saying something like this: "SCREW YOU AND YOUR SILLY HOURS AND HOURS ON FACEBOOK. THIS SHIT IS COMFY. I'M SLEEPING NOW."

Cav went to go to bed and accidentally woke me up and now I can't get back to sleep. N'I started thinking writing would help the process, because my mind went into an emotional place (mostly a _fantastic_ emotional place, actually, but that doesn't help me sleep all the same.)

Where I was at was an extremely personal series of thoughts about my life and where I am in the world n'where I have been and how things have changed and I think there was some powerful stuff in it, but now that I have written this much about nothing I do not want to write anymore.

Suffice to say I'm happy. I like where I am in my life. I feel like the problems I have are just problems that 'ordinary people' have. I used to be in an extremely fucked up mental place and I am not anymore. Don't get me wrong, I still get serious bouts of depression, but _I like my life._ There was a long time where I never thought I was going to be able to say that honestly. I feel so lucky and just _joyful._ Ahh, writing it makes me emotional again, though the thoughts I was having earlier were still so much more powerful than that tl;dr

(I'm happy. Holy Shit. I am a by and large happy person who looks forward to the day ahead. OH MY GOD.)

December 19th, 2010

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I had a nice time at the lolita meet-up today. It has been so long since I have been to one. Good to catch up with people. Exhausting though.

I'm strongly considering selling custom nails like the ones I was wearing today t'folk for specific prints. I just spent some time checking out deco nails on etsy and I reckon' mine are pretty decent as quality goes and with a little thought I can make them better. (I rushed the ones I wore today and didn't get turps or anything to clean the brushes...)

I'm tired, back to work tomorrow.

November 17th, 2010

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Moody girl is moody.

Life is good, but quite busy. I've got a short rest from the work and full time study. Study is over for me 'till the 29th when my summer semester starts. I won't be working during summer semester, though I have no way of gaging how intense the course will be. (Also no money, but, I have savings again since I started working, so yay.) Its going to be done over three weeks and not 13, but I won't be doing three other subjects at the same time, so its going to be quite different in workload from what I've done before. They moved it to the campus closest to me, which is nice, because it'd suck a little to do new thing in far away campus I've been to once. I'll have to do the second summer semester course (Jan-Feb three weeks) at that one though.

Work is good. I like my job. I like my job more than any other job I've ever had.

May 18th, 2010

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I was going to get paid at the end of this week, but I _might_ get paid at the end of another fortnight after that. I tried to put across that that'd be five weeks of working with no pay, and that I could not do this. Lady seemed sympathetic when she realized it would be that long (she thought this week was my first week, not two weeks ago.) Oh god though after the three weeks of knowing I had the position and not being able to start, then five weeks that'd be two months of 0 income. Then the month and a half before that where centrelink gave me not nearly enough to live on because my live in boyfriend has savings. :/

I really want to be paid this week. I don't like being in debt.

Otherwise though, this having a job this is rocking. This having a job while studying thing isn't as wonderful, but whatever.

I feel decent about life.

May 3rd, 2010

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Ahh, this weekend was amazing. For all my non-loli friends reading this, just a brief explanation. It was "lolipalooza" a two-day extravaganza meet up so one of the girls could film us all for footage in her lolita documentary. Somehow even though on the second day essentially all we were doing was sitting, eating and drinking delicous beverages it was rather exhausting! It felt good to catch up with people. Its odd how many lolitas there are in this group and how little I know a lot of them. It seems odd to think that I've been in that community for two years now. It feels much shorter! I suppose the meet-ups aren't that frequent and I don't even go to most of them.

Ahh, gushing over everybodies dresses, quoting metalocolypse and saying "cockscockscocks."

I missed seeing Minna. Minna bb, ilu.

March 30th, 2010

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Feel like posting for the first time in a long time, so I will.

I've been pretty sick. I am definitely on the mend now though, close to being better. Last week was a bit of a doozy as they come. Giant tonsils, scratchy throat, coughing, headaches. On top of that I acquired a huuuuuge bruise on my leg somehow. I got stung by a bee, and it swelled up really huge. Like, I think I might have developed an allergy to bees. N'on top of that, I had my period. It wasn't the most amazing week in the whole world.

I feel nice right now. Lightheaded. I think moving out of the house with Matt, and into one where I actually have a bit of privacy and stability with Cav, who is supportive has done amazing things for me mental-health wise. I feel, well, a lot less like a mad harpy. Its great.

Life is easy right now. Looking for a job and studying a single subject online. I'm not as motivated as I could be, I suppose. Been looking at my resume, thinking about what I could have done to make it better throughout study. Extra-curricular and such. Though, I knew that at the time. Truth be told while I was studying, I was barely clinging on for a lot of that ride and the thought of doing anything additional was too much. (Remembers that semester when I barely went to any lectures or classes because I couldn't control whether I'd burst into tears randomly and didn't want mah peeps seeing me like that.)

I was thinking about that resume I'm making and the cover letter. I got it sent back saying I needed to sell myself more. N'I don't want to you know, lie. The lady was all "Write about your IT/Multimedia passions" and over the phone she made a comment that I'm obviously very passionate, which is lies and lies. So, I was thinking, what I could say that isn't a lie.

N'you know what? I'm driven. Alright, I'm a lazy motherfucker, but considering where I've come from and how hard and crappy things were for me in abnormal ways, to get where I am I've been driven as hell. *fist pump*

In a relatively good place. Have been stressing though. Keep having reminders of awful, awful things. Also my step-brother has been disowned by my step-mother. Talking to him about it has been... reigniting old stresses. She doesn't remember any of our childhood. Any of the bad stuff anyway.

I gotta head out.

February 8th, 2010

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I missed the meetup. Total fail. I accidently took the keys to the gaage with me when I left my house, and then needed to wait for my boyfellow to get to the bus stop so I could give him the keys, because well, all his stuff is in the garage and being able to lock it is good. So, I waited, missed some busses. Got to central at 11:30 everyone was gone by then and I didn't know where the place was, so I sadfaced and went home. New housemates (though I'll be moving again soon) are not in the lolita community, but both own some loli-stuff. One of them was like "If it makes you feel better, we can dress up and go to garden city" (we all had stuff we needed to do there.) and that was really sweet of her, like, seriously nice gesture.


I don't feel god about missing the meet-up. Also, Andrea I don't really have your contact details besides the livejournal, lol. I'd like to meet up with you and stuff, I feel bad, like, having missed you and not connecting since you got back in the country. I want to see you! :)
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